Fu*k This Sh*t

True or False: Swearing always makes comedy funnier.  FALSE!  Despite the way many people think nowadays, swearing is highly unnecessary and often has the opposite effect intended.

Remember back in the day when people would speak as respectable human beings who wanted to sound intelligent and demanded respect through being respectful?  I DON’T because I was born in the 1980s.  Swearing has always bothered me because it’s so negative.  It makes me feel uncomfortable and gives off an air of hostility and ignorance that my inner old lady does not appreciate.  The quality of stand up comedy is diminished by “bad words” because it takes the emphasis off the content itself and puts it on the crass delivery.  Swear words have been around for a long, long time, but the fact that they are so tolerated in mainstream society is beyond disappointing. 

It’s true that comedy is about pushing boundaries and provoking a response from the audience.  As a result, over the last couple of decades especially, swearing has become a lot more prevalent.  I don’t have a problem with swearing in comedy, I have a problem with excessive swearing in comedy.  And there is a difference.  Far too many comedians rely on combinations of horrible words to shock their audiences.  But why, because shocking = funny?  Sometimes, but only if that person is actually making a funny point.  If they’re just swearing for the sake of being outrageous while making no point at all, who cares?!  So many amateur comedians resort to excessive swearing when they are floundering on stage, berating the audience in an attempt to make themselves seem bigger.  Jerry Seinfeld agrees that “most of the time…it’s someone who’s lost and scared and uses swearing to save their tail” and it’s generally unsuccessful.    

BUT I do believe that swearing can also enhance comedic writing if used properly.  British writer and comedian Arthur Smith says it perfectly that “a well-placed swear word is a marvellous bit of grammar.”  Go ahead and punctuate with a little swear word if it will actually compliment the material.  But if bad words are overused, they lose their effectiveness and just come across as trashy, ignorant, and offensive. 

I recently got to visit my marvellous grandparents and my Nana can’t stand modern-day stand up comedy because of the extreme amount of swearing.  Isn’t that sad?!  Personally, I like to be able to share my passions and talents with all my favourite people, without fear that they may feel alienated and uncomfortable watching.  Everyone likes to laugh which means that everyone should enjoy stand up comedy.  And comedians constantly need audiences.  So why would anyone completely chop off major demographics just because they feel that the only way to be funny is to curse like a sailor? 

Comedy doesn’t constantly need to be cruel.  With some intelligence and effort, we can all be PROUD of what we do and even invite our grannies to come watch. 

Writer’s Block – Make it Stop!

“What the HECK am I going to write about today!?” Vanessa asks herself as she sits down, uninspired, at her dilapidated computer.  Writer’s block happens to every writer at one point or another.  The tricky part is to get past it, but hoooowwww?

I find that it helps to do a “mind dump” – just start writing out anything and everything that comes to your mind.  Keep writing and writing for two or three minutes without letting your hand stop moving or your mind stop thinking.  Mind dumping clears the mind and makes room for your creative juices to start flowing.  Plus, when you read it back, you’ll see what’s REALLY on your mind (sicko).  Maybe there’s even something in that mind dump that you can use as a jumping-off point (with your psychiatrist).

Second, don’t think of writing as such a serious and daunting task.  It’s hard to think that way if writing is your job, but it will take some of the stress off and let your mind be free, man, to think whatever the heck it wants without pressure from The Man.  Do some doodling, or mind maps to help get the brain warmed up in a fun way. That’s why I make seriously unserious cartoons.  What’s that you say?  You don’t remember what a mind map is?  Here, I made one just for you:

It’s also important to write about things that you feel strongly about.  This is the first tip I ever received with respect to stand up comedy, but it translates into most any sort of writing.  If you want the audience to have a strong reaction to your writing, it has to make you feel something too.  This again can be difficult if writing is your job and people hire you to write stuff for them.  In this case you have to do some research and see what aspects of their business, etc. you are most interested in and can get excited about.  We all know how easy it is to see right through B.S. that someone has written that they don’t really believe in themselves.  It’s pathetic and boring.  And why should others get excited about something that YOU aren’t even excited about?!  What’s the point?  Whether it’s jokes or “real work”, your energy will translate into engaging material that an audience will have a reaction to.

In this same way it helps to write about things that you are familiar with, and things that a good portion of people can relate to.  Like yoga! ….right?  If you aren’t very familiar with a topic that you want to write about, MAKE yourself familiar.  Do a little research and get some facts (there’s a new thing called The Internet that is great for this), and you’ll become a wealth of knowledge.  I wrote a joke recently about black people – I mean eHarmony!  I wrote a new joke about eHarmony, which I don’t know that much about, so I looked it up.  Turns out there isn’t that much to learn from their website unless you are willing to sign up and find YOUR match today.  But I did learn that if you DO want to sign up for eHarmony, you have to answer a 400 question survey!  Pssshhhhaw!

Writer’s block sucks nards, there’s no doubt about that.  But whatever the damn cause may be for your blocked brain, you’ll get past it….eventually.  These tips have worked for me on several occassions, and I hope they will help you.  Now get back to work!  Aimless internet surfing isn’t going to write your material for you.  I don’t even know how you found my little website, but I sure am glad you did.

Something To Tell You In Confidence

As I mentioned in the previous post, “Thou Shallt Not Quit”, the key to getting through a tough perfomance is confidence.  I have chosen to write about this topic again in more detail because I’m hoping that the more I THINK about it, the more confidence I’ll gain myself.

The ol’ boyfriend and I recently had a discussion about how I could take my abilities to the next level, and the biggest thing for me is my confidence.  We established that I’m very comfortable on stage, but not necessarily confident.  Especially when I am working through relatively new material that I’m not 100% sure is even funny. 

It’s tough to deliver that material confidently when you’re not even confident in it yourself.  “WHAT DO I DO THEN?!”, you ask.  “Pretend?”  Yes!  Sure the material may be new, but no one else knows that and the idea is a JOKE so there will always be someone who will appreciate at least the premise.  If you deliver your ideas with conviction and sell them like you believe in them, you may be surprised at how many people will buy into what you’re selling.  The results are a huge growth potential to take things to the professional level.  So be fearless!  Like a menstruating woman doing yoga in white spandex!

And the MOST important thing to have confidence in: YOURSELF.  Be confident with who you are as a person, what you do, and in your talent.  I struggle with this because I’m not a “look-at-me-I’m-so-great” kind of person.  But it’s time to get over that and get used to the fact that yes, I AM funny and I have funny things to tell you!  Say it with me now!  I AM a comedian!  Can I get a witness!? ALLELUIA!

Not everyone wants to or is able to get up on stage.  And some just shouldn’t.  So when you meet new people, introduce yourself as you want to be known and say it like you mean it.  Function Writing has a great article about this exact topic.  “I’m (insert name here) and I work part-time as a data entry clerk and sometimes I do some stand up comedy but that doesn’t really pay at this point and what I really want to do is be a TV writer except I don’t think I’m good enough at writing yet”….. OR “Hey, I’m Vanessa Lever.  I do stand up and sketch comedy and I’m just starting out in my voiceover career.  All of which are pretty exciting, so be excited for me!”  What!?  You’re awesome, Vanessa Lever!  “I know.  But thank you.”  And just to clarify, I don’t mean become an egotistical prick.  OWN your extraordinary abilities and share them with the world.

As the great Julie Andrews says in The Sound of Music, “I have confidence the world can all be mine…I have confidence in me!”  Now make like Julie Andrews and dance off into the streets to take what’s yours: LAUGHS.  You work hard at it, so allow it to pay off for you.

Record Yo’self!

Everyone loves to hear the sound of their own voice, right?!  Especially as a poor quality recording. No, just me?  Oh wait, no I don’t!  But I do appreciate the importance of it.  I have recorded almost every one of my stand up sets, and in the beginning I could barely tolerate listening to myself.  But the benefit of listening to yourself far outweighs the annoyance of it. 

Recording myself has taught me a LOT that I might not have otherwise realized.  I have met comedians that don’t ever record themselves and it seems to take them longer to improve.  People who record themselves and listen to or watch those recordings can fix their mistakes and weak points, and also play up their strengths.  You may think that you are going to take specific mental notes on yourself, but it’s probably the last thing on your mind when you’re up there performing. 

I feel like I have grown significantly over the past year and a bit because I force myself upon myself (yup).  I could go back and listen to the first few sets I ever did, but I won’t.  EVER.  I’ve learned which bits are too wordy, that I say “umm” WAY too much, that I could afford to pick up the pace, and that people like the term “rapey”.   I can tell which parts get the most laughs (those are the jokes I keep doing), and which ones could use more. 

I also recently video recorded a couple of my sets.  Now, I really do not enjoy watching video of myself.  Self-conscious!  But I did learn from this too, not just about poor wardrobe choice.  Believe it or not, there are some aspects of a performance that don’t come across in audio that do in video.  Namely the visual aspect.  There is really a lot more that can be gained from seeing your entire performance.   How you interact with the audience, seeing your physicality and how it works with what you’re saying,  and seeing what kind of energy you emanate. 

Now that I do voiceover work too, it’s even more obvious why recording myself to practise is important.  Did you know that just feeling happy sounds COMPLETELY different than speaking with a giant shit-eating grin on your face?  It does!  There are so many subtleties that you are capable of that you don’t even know about until you listen, see, and learn from your own self.

Everyone already knows that it takes a lot of guts to be a performer because people are always scrutinizing, but no one is the biggest and best judge of your own work than YOU because YOU have the know-how to use this judgment for your own good. So keep growing, you little tulip, you!

(NOTE: I just got home from doing a show at The Comedy Mix, and I forgot to hit record on my phone.  Of course!)

Thou Shallt Not Quit

The feeling that you’re going to fail before you hit the stage is a horrid.  It’s a terrible thing to give up on something before you even begin.  Everyone knows that, yet we still do it all the time.  Having said that, I still fall victim to my own defeat more often than I’d like to admit.

There are times when conditions are not in a comic’s favour to produce a max-laughs situation (as I call it).   Sometimes the audience of four paying customers may seem to hate laughter and everything it stands for, dragging your spirits 20,000 leagues under the sea.  Other times a boisterous, intoxicated heckler ruins every one of your punch-lines by shouting out his own witless remarks.  And even other times, the comic before you may just suck teats.  I remember a stand up show I did in a pub where there just so happened to be a pin ball competition going on at the SAME TIME!  That’s right, PIN BALL.  Who even knew those machines were still around and functioning!  It was impossible to ignore, so everyone who got on stage acknowledged that it was annoying, and then carried on.  And tried to be louder and more entertaining than the pin ball machines (impossible).  Because what’s worse than the negative circumstances winning?  Seeing someone give up and LET those circumstances win.  It’s much more interesting and entertaining to watch a battle, right sportsfans?

Whatever the case may be, it’s important to remember NOT to give up on yourself.  In my experience, the most experienced and professional comics are able to stay composed and confident to get through a set no matter the circumstance.  That’s what I’m striving to do.  (I’m also trying to say “umm” less on stage, in case you were wondering)  If no one is laughing, don’t force the issue, power through with all the energy you can muster.  I would advise against belittling an audience for not laughing, that’s even tougher to watch.  And if that heckler gives you a hard time, tell him to shut his damn trap because YOU have the mic.  I’m still working on overcoming hecklers and it’s tough because you may be forced to improvise witty back-and-forth in front of an audience and, ideally, win.  Yeeeeesh!  Phil Hanley is a great crowd worker.  He can scold a heckler into regret, plus he can rock a cardigan like nobody’s grandpa.

But reflecting on all the imperfect conditions one must perform in, makes you realize how awesome it is when the conditions ARE perfect.  When the audience is tipsy and roaring with laughter, and your confidence is through the effing ROOF because everything you say is GOLD!  I’M GOING TO LIVE FOREVER!!

However you decide to approach negative circumstances, commit to your jokes, do it with CONFIDENCE, and always be the best that you can be!  (That’s what my mom always tells me anyway)

Diary of an Amateur Comedian: My First Time

Ah, I remember my first time like it was a year ago.  Ripe with anticipation, belly full of flutterbys, expecting that I was going to provide satisfaction beyond anything experienced before, yet the fear that I would just bomb up there.  On stage.  I’m talking about stand-up comedy, you PREvert.

The hardest part of becoming a stand-up comedian is thinking about doing it for the first time, and mustering up enough courage to just get up on a stage to do it.  That’s it.  That’s the big secret.  Once you’ve had your stand-up cherry popped, much like sexual intercoursing, you’ll think “that wasn’t so bad.  I could really get into this.”  What?  You didn’t say that after losing your virginity?  Just me?  Moving along then.

The point being, don’t think about it so much.  Just get your name on a list, then you have to get up there and then you’ll be glad you did.  Even if you crap the sack, you’ll be better for it.  Audiences are relatively understanding, other comedians are supportive because they have all been there, and your mom will still love you.  Unless of course you are swearing excessively to express your hatred for “midgets”.  No one appreciates that.  (I witnessed it).